The Only Thing Worse Than A Used Car Salesman…

…is a mattress salesman. Specifically, the mattress salesmen at the local store that I thought I would be a do-gooder and buy from, as opposed to a national change here in my new hometown of Asheville, NC.

I thought the time I spent in the markets in Beijing prepared me for negotiation, I’m really good at the “are you joking with that price?” face and I have no problem walking away. I do; however, experience fatigue at the idea that I’d have to go to multiple stores, so while I did go in more than one store to price compare/jump on the beds, I most certainly did not go to 15 different stores or waste an entire afternoon haggling with mattress sales people.

My saleswoman, Linda spouted numbers that meant absolutely nothing to me (“and this bed is 16.7% more comfortable over the course of year than this one.” Really? 16.7% is not a significant number. And, it doesn’t justify several hundred more dollars, but I digress), insisted that I would never get as good of customer service at the Mattress Firm that I was sure to get at the Mattress Man. Why, one time, the owner loaned a customer a Tempurpedic bed because her own mattress was delayed. In addition to the random, unnecessary number quotation, Linda also acted as though I had her over a barrel asking for free shipping, even though the published company policy is orders over $598 qualify for such, and my order definitely met that threshold. Slimy. In hindsight, I should have walked and never looked back, but the thought of having to go through the process again made me ill.

What I have learned in the last 3 weeks that my mattress has been sitting on my floor is that the promise of good customer service from The Mattress Man is complete and utter bullshit. When my mattress was delivered, the box spring would not fit up my narrow staircase. I recognize that this is not specifically the fault of The Mattress Man. I recognize that they did not make my narrow staircase or large box spring. I know that. I’m not so crazy a consumer that I demanded they fix the problem that day. I begrudgingly paid the additional fee to have my box spring split-even though I purchased during a FREE box spring promotion, where I saw no printed restrictions regarding split box springs. I begrudgingly agreed to wait another week for my box spring to be delivered even though I wanted to reach through the phone and punch the smarmy owner (he of the supposed loaner spare bed fame) in the face.

The following Tuesday, 24 hours before my scheduled delivery, I got another phone call from Keith, the slimeball of an owner who called to say that the warehouse had neglected to put half of my split box spring on the truck and that was just too bad for me, I’d have to wait another week.

I went into customer service complaint mode. Could I have the number of someone at the warehouse to complain to? No, says Keith, it’s a big company, they won’t do anything. Can I have your Simmons’ representative’s name? No, he’s certainly not responsible. Can I have your boss’ name to file a customer service complaint? Well no, says Keith, I’m the owner and therefore I’m it, you’ll just have to live with my abominable customer service. Can I expect a refund of my extra money upon delivery of my box spring since my receipt says delivery on August 31 and you failed to meet that? Well no, because you already paid and we just don’t do that. Will you be sending me a loaner bed so I no longer have to sleep on the floor? No, we don’t have a policy to do that. Will you be paying for my hotel room so I don’t have to sleep on the floor? No, of course not. Will you do anything for me? No, I’m not responsible for the warehouse, no one is, so there’s nothing you can do.

Oh, ho, Keith, there is something I can do. I may not be looking to buy a mattress anytime soon and would therefore not be a return customer, but I can be a very vocal customer. And I have no problem writing negative reviews on any business review service I can find (I should also point out, that I am quick to write good customer service reviews too, because I don’t want to spend my life being a Negative Nancy).

My frustration in this situation is simple. Someone is responsible. Perhaps it is Keith, who faxed (who the hell faxes?) in an incorrect order in the first place. Perhaps it is the mattress warehouse supervisor, who failed to check the order. Perhaps it is Tom, the Simmons representative. But someone is responsible for the fact that 3 weeks later I still don’t have what I paid a good bit of money for. And someone ought to make amends, instead of acting as though my frustrations are out of line (because how dare I want something I paid for be delivered when it says it’s going to be delivered?)

So now, I’ve learned my lesson: caveat emptor. It’s my own fault for not walking out the door and finding someone less slimy and with better (read: any) customer service practices. And I won’t be recommending anyone take a trip to The Mattress Man.

September 19, 2011. Tags: haggling, negotiating, Shopping. Miscellaneous.